Do you know how to sincerely apologize for your mistakes?
You may think I’m crazy but you need to tell yourself how awesome you are. Yup, I said it. Tell yourself you are awesome.
Bare with me and listen up.
So, to give a real and sincere apology you have to start by setting aside your ego. But this is not an easy thing to do, to admit you are wrong.
Guess what we do when we have an ego and try to apologize?
We often try to make apologies but instead we end up becoming defensive. Sometimes without even knowing.
Watch this video to find out more about apologizing effectively. It can also be found on my Facebook Group page. If you would like to join the group, please CLICK HERE.
Table of Contents
Why Are We Terrible at Apologizing?
So let’s think about this.
We have all heard the dull apology that goes like this…. “Hey there. I’m’ so sorry you’re upset. I didn’t mean to say that you never do anything around the house, but when I’m working and you are at home and then I have to come home to more work, it’s not fair. I apologize.”
Uh yeh, no. That’s not going to cut it.
That’s not an effective apology, but it is a justification for your bad behavior. Let’s break it down.
“Hey there. I’m sorry you’re upset. ” What you mean is that you don’t like it that you’re mad at me. This is not an apology.
“I didn’t mean to say you never do anything around the house, but when I’m working and you’re at home and I have to come home to more work, it’s not fair.” This only states I was upset and didn’t think it was fair I had to work all day and come home to work some more. Again this is not an apology. This is your justification.
The moment you said the word “but” the apology goes out the door and the justification begins.
Never use the word “but” in an apology. It never works.
“I apologize.” Translation: Sorry, not sorry.
We are all human. Good or bad, we have all made mistakes or poor choices.
There is a difference between being a jerk all of the time and being ugly while in the moment.
But when we are faced with dealing with our own ugly behavior our brain has to work overtime to convince us that we did something wrong. And my friend is not fun.
It’s exhausting!
Do you know the reason we don’t like to apologize?
It’s because we don’t want to feel bad about ourselves. But it’s because of this that makes it difficult to set our egos aside.
On the flip side, failing to apologize can ruin relationships or place hardships in the workplace. Many do not tolerate others who can’t own the person we have wronged.
Because remember, it is difficult for us to apologize because it makes us feel bad about ourselves.
The more you use this approach, the easier and more natural it becomes.
You see. for those of you that do not know my story, I was mentally and verbally abused by my ex for many, many years. This put me in a very depressed state of mind and I am sure my kids were hurt by seeing me this way.
But today, I am in a better place. I have since talked to each of my kids individually and on their own time and apologized to them. Today, we are on the same page and in more positive terms.
Tips To a Perfect Apology
1. Say you’re sorry
Not: I’m sorry, “but”…. Just say you’re sorry.
2. Own your mistakes
It is crucial to let the other person know you are taking responsibility.
3. Described what happened
The person who was wronged needs to know that you understand what happened.
Remember to not deflect blame.
4. Have a plan
Let the other person know you will fix the situation if it applies.
Admit you were wrong. It takes a big person to admit you are wrong, but your self-affirmations give you confidence and self-worth.
5. Ask for forgiveness
Be vulnerable, it makes the apology more sincere.
Final Thoughts
Do not justify your bad behavior, no excuses, no blaming, and no minimizing the hurt you caused.
Own it! Own up to your mistake. You will be surprised how much better you feel and same some valuable relationships!
Take care and Think Me First !
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