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After reading this article you will learn about the abusive narcissists and the 7 types to avoid. Narcissism, like anything else, has several categories. Of course, the typical narcissist has common characteristics such as being grandiose, self-infatuated, self-centered, arrogant, excessive need for admiration, lacking empathy, manipulative, patronizing and demanding. Whew……just to name a few……lol. However, we will dive into the different types of narcissism to gain better insight as to how to recognize one.
As you read this article, I want to forwarn you that I write this article on narcissism as I had live through more than 13 years of daily abuse and the abuse even continues after leaving the situation. These articles are not to lecture you or ridicule you, but only to make you aware so you do not make the same mistake I did. It was a horrible experience! So please keep an open mind and read carefully.
Vanity/Static Narcissist
The look of external success can be very misleading! From abusive narcissists thoughts, they are thinking I have arrived, I am the most important person here, I am successful. all while lacking tons of confidence. They are very attention-seeking while wearing the finest clothes and accessories and driving high-end cars. Oh, and it does not stop there. The vanity narcissist has to hang out with the “right” people (usually those that validate them). They are all about impressions via appearance. If the narcissist feels you are “lesser” to them, they will be very condescending and snob-like towards you. Being superficial is their specialty.
I have to laugh because if there was one thing my ex was not, he certainly was not the vanity narcissist. But he did care about impressions and tried to hang out with elites.
The Entitled Narcissist
These parties may or may not have the notion to look successful as the vanity narcissist, but they do need to be unique and different. There are no boundaries for them. They still think they are above you, but they all think they are above all else too. They do not believe in the norm of regulations and rules. As far as they are concerned, rules do not apply to them. They think they are “different” and should be treated that way as well.
These types of abusive narcissists will also refuse to do menial tasks. Again, they think they are better than that and these tasks are beneath them. On the other hand, they do believe you should be doing tasks for them, but they will never reciprocate unless there is something in it for them.
When called out, they feel it is an insult. As if you “don’t know who they are.” You know, they are Hollywood status and should be treated as such. They feel the world owes them and you should be “thankful” to be a part of their life.
They are always in search of favored treatment. No matter how much my ex abused myself and the kids, he was always the victim.
I do not make this shit up. The one I was married to was so entitled.
The Malignant Narcissist
My ex had this characteristic about him too. These abusive narcissists are very destructive in nature. They will tear others down and mess with them emotionally and mentally all while trying to maintain control over their victim.
This type of narcissist is very cold, calculating and very uncaring. They do not care about the impact they have on others. In my situation, he was even evil towards his kids. Often times, if the narcissist sees you hurting, these fuels their fire to continue with the abuse. It almost seems as if they enjoy harming others.
They have no empathy, hence no appreciation or feelings towards others who may struggle or be hurting due to their own behaviors.
it’s their way or no way!
I know this stuff is hard to believe because the normal person does not think this way, but believe me, it is real. I have tons of horror stories I lived and will maybe one day share.
The Covert Narcissist
This group tends not to be super flashy or stand out at first. They fly below the radar. At first, they appear to be normal, but watch out! This was the trap that initially pulled me into my relationship with the abusive narcissist that I unfortunately attracted. As time passed I found out he wanted nothing to do with accountability. He was very unreliable. They are very secretive, and when it is too late. you find out that you do not know this person at all.
When I look back at my 13 years of marriage., it was all a lie. Not a bit of it was true, And if it was, I will never know what was the truth and what was not.
They are super passive/aggressive! One moment they may show signs of anger, But be aware, they are not done until they silently punish you. For someone who wants dominance, they do it with stubbornness in a very child-like way. Such as a toddler throwing a tantrum and then goes into the silent treatment.
If they do not agree with you on something, they will hold grudges. And again, they don’t stop there. Afterward, there is no forgiveness or forgetfulness. Sooner or later they will find revenge.
There is no sense of humor with these types of abusive narcissists. They are serious if you cross them in their own mind.
The Victim Narcissist
Yup, I said it earlier and here it is again. These abusive narcissists are extremely manipulative in what seems like helpless fashion. They delegate and find others who will sympathize with them in order to get them to do things for them. The person I had married would make his own kids feel sorry for him in order to get them to do things for him.
They have people believing they are really having a rough time and then these good people help out, thinking they are helping him. When in all actuality, he is using them to get things done. And the narcissist then starts to think, “What are they going to do for me next?” When you serve them, they see you as a servant beneath them.
If you stick around long enough, you will see that helping them out never seems to make things any better for them. Before you know it, they are out playing the victim again. The acts of service, words of affirmation, etc….it’s never enough for the narcissist. It is impossible to satisfy them. Once you give them something, they expect it the next time. And more is never god enough for them.
Storytime:
The ex;’s garage caught fire. There was one person injured and three homes damaged in the process. He was heavily investigated for arson as this was not the first incident. In the process, he had blamed an innocent teen for setting the fire that day. The next day he was on facebook telling his story as a victim and people were donating items to him and offering to come over and help rebuild. Within a month, he was out buying 4-wheelers, motorcycles, and golf-carts.
Then he placed on facebook that people were stealing things from his yard. And guess what? People once again reached out to him to replace the missing items, when in fact, they were not stolen at all.
The Know-It-All Narcissist
This type of narcissist feels they need no guidance or direction from anyone at all. Even if they are wrong, they are going to tell you how to do things. On the flip side, they are very terrible at listening if they even listen at all.
When talking to this type of narcissist, it’s like talking to a wall. They will be so stubborn and argument with just about anything.
Here is a shocker, they have a high opinion of themselves. They are very competitive. Everything is a game to them and they love to win!
Going through my divorce, the ex saw everything as a win or a loss. And when he suffered a loss, everyone suffered. It all went back to him plotting his revenge.
The know-it-all narcissist has to one-up everyone to look good and in their own mind, keep everyone in check. Because remember, we cannot function without them. The bottom line is they are always right.
The Control Freak Narcissist
They are at the mercy of being a perfectionist and things need to be exactly the way they want. If you deviate from their thoughts at all, even though you may be right and they are wrong, all hell will break loose.
These abusive narcissists will be very critical and obnoxiously bossy. Keep in mind, nothing you do will be good enough for them. Nothing at all. Think about the control freak that does not have narcissistic traits and then add to that someone who cares about nothing but themselves. This is your control freak narcissist.
Defensive is a word to describe the control freak narcissist., especially when things are not going their way. If you try to rationalize with them or have any type of difference against them, they become very defensive because they see this as a personal attack. Not just a difference of opinion, as most people would see it.
Since they feel the need to be in control, you need to do things their way. They have no empathy for the way you feel and you will not change their minds to even compromise with you. They do not care how you feel, nor will they take the time to even consider how you might feel.
Common Theme of Any Narcissist
Under no circumstances are you allowed to be yourself
Your primary job is to focus and cater to the narcissist. They want to take away from you who you really are. They will manipulate and mold you in any way they can. DO NOT LET THEM DO THIS. ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!!!
To conclude, you now have been warned! These are the 7 types of narcissists to avoid at all costs. None of them will benefit you no matter how much money, charm, fame, brains or what have you they lead you to bring to the table. The horror I lived with portrayed all of the types of narcissism except for the vanity narcissist. Once you get to know one though, they are all pretty much the same in their own way. So remember, Think Me First!
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