Table of Contents
After reading this article, you will be more alert and able to pick up on the mind games played by the narcissist. Narcissists are very manipulative and controlling. They use your own mind to do both. This is a warning of the mind games of a narcissist, so know them now! Don’t be part of the narcissistic supply.
Be aware that the narcissist NEVER takes responsibility for their own actions. They will only blame you. So to rationalize with them is impossible unless they have an underlying agenda that will benefit them in the end. Hence, the importance of learning and recognizing the mind games that are played on you.
While reading these mind games, think about how you need to react so you do not find yourself playing along and falling into the trap.
Mind Games: 1
I Want You To Trust Me
- They will act extremely friendly with you.
- The narcissist will seem like they are interested in you. Let me tell you now, they are not. They will ask you questions about yourself and not give back the same courtesy, And in the long term, they will use your answers against you in some form or fashion eventually. You just won’t know it when they do.
- Due to their curiosity, they may even entice you to open up. The narcissist will feed on your vulnerability. They will get you to open up because they can be so easy to talk to. But this is all part of their plan. That is great in a healthy relationship but with a narcissist, their end game is not so nice. And again, they will not open up to you. They will figure out what your needs are and what makes you hurt, only to be turned against you in the future.
Mind Games: 2
They Begin To Develop An Upper Hand Over You
- Once you start to trust them and believe in them, all of a sudden they will start to criticize you. EX: You should not have done it that way, or Why did you do that? Then they will go into I am right and you need to do it this way. Or I am better than you, watch how I do it. Something to those effects. Remember from my past posts, the narcissist thinks they are smarter than you and are superior to you.
- The narcissist is very self-confident and has an inflated amount of correctness and confidence. They will tell you you are wrong and that they are right. They will lead you to believe that you just need to do what they say. Again, the narcissist honestly does believe they are smarter than you.
Mind Games: 3
They Will Instill Fear Into You
- It feeds their narcissistic supply when you fear them. This is very intentional! The fear may be through their judgment, stubbornness, or perhaps the show strong emotions.
- You will start to second guess yourself and fear that you need to do what they tell you to do. It’s mentally taxing to deal with all of the mental stress that goes along with the fear itself. Also, a part of their plan. Please be aware that this can happen to the most confident people. Narcissism does not discriminate.
- If you try to show you are right or unique, etc….this will cause you problems. This is the very thing that causes fear. You cannot be yourself because you have mentally trained that whatever you do is never going to be good enough.
Storytime:
So the narcissist I fell for was very good at placing fear into me. In fact, I slept with my keys in hand every night so that if anything were to happen, I would set the car alarm off and my neighbor would know the call the police. My husband had many guns and ammunition that piled almost to the ceiling. The bad thing is, he was not a hunter, police or anything like that. He just had a lot of guns, pistols. and ammunition. The other bad thing is I found out he had prior gun charges for shooting at his prior ex-wife (this was found out later in my marriage). He would often leave a gun out after we had an argument or something. I wondered every day to myself if I would make it out alive.
Mind Games: 4
They Will Sabotage You and Your Credibility and Competency Behind Your Back
- They will isolate you from those who know you and like you, including your own family and children if you have them. My ex did this to me. I was doing everything for the kids, working full time and trying to maintain a household. All the while he was out coaching hockey and things like that. I had no identity for years. Little did I know this was him controlling me mentally.
- The narcissist will talk behind your back to those that are close to you. For example, you may receive a compliment from your best friend, but the narcissist will find the opportunity to take your best friend aside and tell them things that will make them question you. The criticizing will start. You can only hope that the people they are talking to see right through their bullshit. But not everyone will. I quickly found out who my loyal friends were and who his followers and flying monkeys were.
- When the narcissist has others thinking you are not competent, this keeps the narcissist in the “superior seat!” They see others will start to look down on you as well. This too feeds the narcissist’s supply.
Mind Games: 5
The Narcissist Will Find Out Your Flaws And Then Use Them Against You
- The narcissist has a very good memory when it comes to remembering your flaws (even if they are not real). We all have them, right? No, wrong. The narcissist, if you ask them, is darn near perfect. When you open up to them and share f some times you failed or made mistakes. they will hold onto those moments and use them against you later to criticize you when you are awarded accolades of some sort or someone may praise or compliment you. If the narcissist even sees a sign that you have an ounce of confidence, they will tear you down with your own experiences. I also stated they will remind you of something that may not have even happened. The narcissist is known for telling half-truths and then you have to find out what is true and what is not if any of it is even true at all.
- When they ask you questions to learn more about you, it is not because they are interested. It is because they are collecting data. So keep in mind, if you share, make sure they share back. Don’t have a one-sided conversation. It will cost you later.
- And if you are looking for forgiveness from them….hell-to-the-no. They will not do that. They will use that situation over and over.
Mind Games: 6
They Are The Victim In Almost Any Situation
- They will not accept blame or take responsibility for their own mistakes. And heaven forbid you to embarrass them by accident, such an accidentally spilling a drink on them or something so minor. If the narcissist messed up, it was because of someone else’s error, not because of their own fault. They will throw someone under the bus, even if it is not true or warranted.
Mind Games: 7
They Make You Feel It Is Your Duty or Your Obligation
- They will use phrases such as you must, you have to, you need to, etc. And when you refuse, they come at you harder. As noted before, this is very taxing and frustrating. It really messes with your mind and they wear you down so much.
- They write the rules and the rules will benefit them and their agenda. It’s their way or no way.
Some Key Notes:
- Do not give them the reaction they want.
- Keeping calm and mentally alert and stable is important.
- There are reasonable times in which you can confront them. Set the boundaries they are so trying to control.
- Don’t get into arguments with a narcissist. You are wasting so much of your time and energy. You will never get your point across or have them see both sides of the argument.
The ultimate goal for the narcissist is for you to lose your uniqueness and your identity, or be who you really are. They will strip you down and mold your own mind into a way they can control you. The purpose of this article is to not let this happen to you. I have given you some identifiers to use to avoid the same mistake I did. Don’t let them keep you in a state of confusion and doubt. And never let them or anyone else, take away who you are! Remember, Think Me First!
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