The Power of “Sorry” – Meaningful or Meaningless?

Sorry is a powerful word. It can be delivered in a sincere manner. The word may not be said at all. It can used against you, or it can be overused. When some people say they are sorry, they mean it. Others may not say they are sorry, even when an apology is warranted. For some, they may use the word against you in a negative way. And then you have those that say sorry way too much. So you determine the power of “sorry”, meaningful or meaningless?

The word sorry can be a powerful and meaningful gesture or one of no value and meaningless.

Sorry can be defined as (1) feeling sorrow, regret, or penitence, (2) mournful, sad, and (3) inspiring sorrow, pity, scorn or ridicule. Have you ever had anyone sincerely apologize for a regretful act towards you? Can you tell the difference between a sincere apology versus one not so sincere? How about the sarcastic sorry or the sorry that throws blame on you? Have you ever experienced that? Or how about the person that is always saying they are sorry but does nothing to follow up with actions. Do you know one?

People are all different and the way one apologizes or delivers an apology is different as well. Think about it from the receiving end, that perception is going to be different too. One may or may not accept an apology. Then again, one may or may not have a reason to accept an apology. Either way, no one “sorry” is the same. Some may need more time to apologize and others may need more time to accept one. You might see someone apologize too quickly, not giving themselves enough time to even realize what they had done. Then there is the party who is quick to receive a “sorry.”

Watch this video to learn more about the power of “Sorry” – Meaningful or Meaningless? 🙂 It can also be found on my Facebook Group page, or on my YouTube channel.

The “BUT” Sorry, Meaningful or Meaningless?

This is the “sorry” that is followed by a “BUT.” Not to mention it is usually a butt that is using it in that context. Hehehe….. “I am sorry, but you cannot have that.”. “I am sorry you feel that way, but you really need to look at my point of view”. “She is sorry she stepped on your glasses, but they should not have been on the floor”. You get it, right? We have all heard the “sorry” followed by a “but.” Matter of fact, I know people who use sorry in this way that I sit there thinking when they are speaking, “Okay, here is the apology, I wonder what the “but” is going to be?”

I will have to admit and I feel many of you may be able to relate too, that we all may have used the “but sorry” while parenting, especially those with younger children. Trying to convey the sorry part of the issue while also making it a teaching lesson is difficult to do without using the “but sorry.” As parents of teens though, we need to listen to more and parent less and be role models for our teens. If you are using sorry, keep it a sorry, not a “but sorry.” Clear as mud?

The Sincere Sorry

I feel more people than not, use the “sincere sorry.” It may not seem like it in this day and age, but I have to believe there are more good people out there than bad. The “sincere sorry” needs to be equal to the act of harm done that warrants the apology. A sincere apology for a minor mistake may simply only need a band-aid, The word “sorry” alone may mend that issue.

Then we have the apology that needs a splint. Perhaps a “sorry” and a special deed to prove you are not only using words to apologize. This apology may need a few days to blow over or only may a few hours but it is not one that resolves itself in just minutes. I use the word “deed” because for some it may be flowers, others it could be food, a card, or a phone call.

Short but true story. My husband was not in the dog house when he did this but he sent me some chocolate-covered strawberries, bananas, and pineapples (courtesy of edible arrangements). I think I was having a bad day or it may have been a good one, I do not recall. My teammates were extremely thrilled I shared. Anyways, I got a message from the front desk to pick up my package. I had no idea what it was. When I get upfront I see a beautiful arrangement of flowers and then I see the red edible arrangement box. I slowly went up to the security guard and said, “Please tell me I am picking up the red box and not the flowers.” He said, “Yes, the red box is yours”. I threw out a soft “YES!” He chuckled. The moral of the story, I choose food over flowers. 🙂

The Silent Sorry, Meaningful or Meaningless?

I wanted to throw in the “silent sorry”. The “silent sorry” is when you can truly know or feel that someone is sorry. However, they may be too embarrassed to tell you or do not know how to tell you they are sorry. They have a real sense of guilt. I have seen friendships, families, and relationships end because someone was too ashamed to say they were sorry or didn’t know-how. They didn’t try to talk to or acknowledge the person they betrayed, hurt, or what have you. To me, these are sad sorry’s to witness.

I feel most people who were hurt or betrayed, ect, by someone they are close to, would respect the person who committed the act, who was dishonest, and so forth if they sincerely apologized. But I also feel the guilt for the party who acted is so strong, they would rather give up the relationship with the other person because it was easier to do.

The Sorry That is Turned Against You

I was unfortunately married to a love bombing narcissist. They are professional mental and verbal manipulators. Anyone who knew me knew I was an empath and that I wore my heart on my sleeve. He saw my kindness as weakness. Anyways, he could be the direct issue of a problem and spin it to make me think it was my fault, even though I had nothing to do with the matter. He would say things like, “I am sorry I even married you..” Or,, “I am sorry you couldn’t figure that out for yourself.”

Now don’t get me wrong, these were the kinder things he said to me as he slowly broke my confidence down over time. They play the victim every chance they get and use you to do it. Not to forget, if a narcissist uses the word sorry, you will only hear it in this context. And consider yourself lucky if you even hear the word from them at all.

The Sorry That Never Takes Place, Meaningful or Meaningless?

This brings me to the sorry that never takes place. Again, I will use the narcissist as most human beings with any kindness and normality to them will offer sincere apologies when necessary. In my entire 13 years married to a narcissist, never, never, never, did I ever hear him say he was sorry in a sincere manner. It was always in a negative fashion.

After picking up on his personality disorder, leaving the situation, and giving myself an identity, I learned that there are people out there with egos but they have a sense of sincerity about them. The narcissist is not capable of feeling empathy. Sorry is not part of their vocabulary. And if it is, it is not used in a positive way.

The Overused Sorry

Lastly, we have the “overused” sorry. These are people who say they are sorry way too much. Now, there are two types of “overused sorry” people. There are the ones who lack self-confidence and then there are the ones who use it to smooth over the situation, but rarely back it up with t meaningful action or never rectify the situation they caused.

Those that lack confidence will apologize for things they should not apologize for. I went to school with a girl who would say sorry for everything. Now that I think about it, she lacked self-confidence then. When she would make a mistake while playing volleyball, she would apologize, even if it had no impact on the team. Hmmm….it was a mistake, we all make them, right? We probably know a person like this. They are super nice and sweet but have little to no confidence or self-esteem.

As for the habitual over the user, I am referring to the one who stands you up several times and apologizes with an excuse, and never changes their behaviors. Or maybe you know someone who keeps promising you something but they never follow through. I know a lot of people like this. However, there is a quote that somewhat goes like this….”The first time it’s their fault, the second time it’s mine.” I don’t entertain these types of people or keep them close to me. My time and self-love are too valuable to me.

To sum it up, the word “sorry” is a small, yet powerful word. It can be used in a positive or negative manner. “Sorry” is a common word we are taught when we are young. The word is used in almost every language and has the same meaning and power. So, be careful as to how you use the word, as the power of sorry can have meaning or be meaningless.

Think me first! It’s not selfish, it’s necessary!

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