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After reading this article, you will have a better understanding of why we feel guilty for saying no, why we need to say no, how to say no without feeling guilty, and some techniques to help you say no more easily. Yes, I said easily! Learn to say NO!
So let’s being with the title. Learn to say no easily and without guilt. (Find out more about guilt here.) Crazy, isn’t it? Think about it. Why is saying the simple word “no” harder than saying “yes?” And why in the hell do we feel guilty for saying the word no? Could the word “no” be misconstrued as a negative word? If you heard the word no often, it was probably embedded in your brain to be associated with something you were not supposed to do that or whatever it was; it was incorrect?
But what about the word “yes?” Is it viewed as a positive word? I can think of many times the word yes was utilized and it certainly was not in a positive manner.
And the guilt, oh my word. How many people have felt guilty about saying no? Seriously? Okay, I am a sucker for not being able to say no. Yet, I am learning as I get older to say it more frequently. I also free up more time for myself and feel less anxiety since I do not overcommit myself.
By making “no” a rare part of your dictionary, you are putting other people’s needs ahead of yours. Learning how to say “no” to people and opportunities is one of the most efficient skills you can develop. You have limited time, resources, motivation, and energy, so you cannot afford to waste them by saying “yes” to everything, or everyone, that comes your way.
Watch this video to discover how to say no easily and without guilt. It can also be found on my Facebook Group page, or on my YouTube channel.
Why Do We Not Like to Say No?
Before we delve into learning techniques to assist us with the art of saying no, or how to say no without feeling guilty, we need to understand why it is a difficult word to say.
1. We do not want to be rude.
Are you a people pleaser by nature? Perhaps you do not know how to respond with a polite response to saying no. Some feel that saying no can be interpreted as rude. Most people just don’t want to disappoint or hurt someone by saying no.
2. We do not want to ruin relationships.
How easy is it to say no to a stranger? Pretty easy, right? But when it comes to people we know, We do not want to ruin those relationships. Oftentimes, you might feel that saying “no” to their request might burn the bridge and ruin the entire relationship.
3. Fear of conflict is a popular reason we do not say no.
The plain fact of fear is a reason some have an apprehension of saying no. Are they going to be mad at me for saying no? If I say no, will they ever invite me again? Will I have another opportunity?
4. We do not want to miss out.
Okay, this is one of the biggest reasons we can’t so no. We do not want to miss out on anything. We have to do it because “everyone else” is. Right? No, I guarantee you “everyone else” is not out there doing everything you think you are missing out on. Ask yourself, “Is it really going to be the most amazing thing on the planet?” Probably not….correction….most likely not going to be amazing.
5. We feel guilty.
Why do we feel so much guilt to say no? Perhaps we are always saying no to this person. As stated earlier, we do not want to disappoint our friends or family. Many times you may second guess yourself and guilt yourself into saying yes, to everything.
Why We Need to Learn to Say No
Learning to say no can set boundaries. It lets a person know where you stand or what you are willing or not willing to do.
Confidence in yourself also plays a role in saying no.
Have you ever been pressured into doing something you were not comfortable with because the outcome was not favorable? Or maybe you just say to yourself, I can only commit to volunteering for two projects this month because I have a tough course load. Perhaps you limit yourself to going out with friends to only Sundays for two hours.
Saying no is showing self-love or respect for yourself. Overcommitting and doing things you don’t’ really want to can be stressful, not to mention a waste of time. Then that spirals into anxiety, lack of sleep, anger, body aches, and much more. So think of your own well-being first.
Honesty is the best policy. If you are needing to say no to a friend or family member, they know you are sincere and you are honoring yourself, and then you can do it without guilt. Think of the flipside. They can say no to you as well and not feel guilt because you understand they are honoring themselves.
If you mix some yes’s with some no’s, the party you are responding to actually knows that you are all in if you say yes. If you are honest enough to say no to them, you are even more loyal and available. when you say “yes.” This will also keep resentment from seeping into your relationships. It shows you are committed to the relationship and that means volumes to people!
Here is a thought, do we really need a reason to say no? No, we do not. Just not having a reason, is reason enough to say no. Hmmm…..I guess that would be a reason then, eh? 🙂
The Formula To Saying No
Be honest + Be brief + Offer a reason why = Polite way to say no
Examples:
- I cannot commit because I have other priorities the moment.
- Now is not a good time because I am in the middle of something.
- No, I believe it is not a good fit for me right now.
Techniques for learning to say no:
- Honesty is the best policy
- There is no need to overexplain
- Give them a reason why. But, keep in mind, an explanation is not always necessary.
- If you feel guilty, perhaps most likely there is a reason you need to say no ( you may have another commitment, either with someone else or for your own self)
- One might start with a compliment before saying no, ex: “Thank you for trusting me to walk your dog, however, I am not available tomorrow.”
- Ask for more time before committing. Ex: “I’ll et back with you.” Be sure to follow up if you use this approach.
- Give a clear “no.” Do not string along or mislead.
- Thank them and encourage them. Ex: “I am thankful you thought of me for the project. I wish you the best of luck finding someone else.”
- It’s okay if someone gets upset when you say no. They are feeling that way because they want to. You did not cause them to feel that way. It was their choice. You are simply doing what is best for you at that moment.
At the end of the day, you need to find out and understand what is holding you back from saying “no.” Once you have mastered that, you can begin to say no with ease and poise. Better yet, once you comprehend the benefits of saying no, you may use it more often than you think. Be cognizant of yourself and your own well-being. Learn to say no and Think Me First!
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