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Narcissism – know the indicators, it will save your life. One thing I wish I would have known before I met the ex (we will call him the “Roommate” to simplify), is narcissism and the indicators. This could have saved me from losing a lot of money, heartache, lost friends, time and more. I hope this article gives you the information you need to know to save your life and not make the same mistake I did.
Let’s first have a discussion before we dive into this. Do any of you have kids or been around kids? Of course, we were all kids at one point in our lives, but do you ever recall wanting to be the center of attention all of the time? This certainly is not something we teach our children, but they can learn it from others without even knowing they are learning it.
Now, as a child, being self-centered is perfectly normal. Think about it. If they do not get their way, they will cry, throw a temper tantrum, or perhaps they will not listen to you at all. This happens with every child. But most children mature and grow out of self-centeredness.
As the child matures, they learn to communicate with and work with others. They start to get a better understanding of other people’s feelings and needs and comprehend that the world does not rotate around their own needs.
Now let’s look at adulthood. The narcissist may be able to pull off looking adult-like in the world of business, politics, education, medicine, etc. They may run successful organizations or present well. Do not be misled by these functions they are able to master. You have to look at a narcissist from an emotional level. They, as adults, still act like the grade-school child that has not matured. Like a little child, the narcissist still believes that “everything is still about them and only them. ” Now please keep in mind, I am not speaking sarcastically here. This is very true! And this is why you should understand narcissism and know the indicators.
Narcissism – Know The Indicators, It Will Save Your Life
Narcissism, Indicator #1
A Narcissist Has The Need To Be In Control
Of course, we all want to be in control from time to time whether it is to lead a project, or team function, perhaps fixing dinner. (lol, My spousal unit, he is always looking over my shoulder when cooking, because he does most of the cooking. I think I make him uncomfortable when I am in his kitchen 🙂 haha ) But we usually have a purpose or a mission to accomplish something,
The narcissist, on the other hand, wants to be on control because they have their own agenda in mind. And believe me, it has nothing you will benefit from. Because again, it is all about them. They will use strict words like, “must,,” “have to,” “can’t,”, “should,” supposed to.” You get it. The list goes on and on. It’s your job to figure out what they want. And if you can’t figure it out, don’t worry. They will be there to remind you consistently. This is narcissism, know the indicators!
They are stubborn, inflexible and may come across very forcefully. And when they don’t see that they are in full control, the pace picks up as well as the sternness. This is when the child-like emotions come out. They will throw temper tantrums, give you the silent treatment, or just shut down. Literally, they really do act like toddlers. I even hate comparing a narcissist to a toddler, because the toddler is not always like that. A narcissist never outgrows the child-like behavior. That is not how narcissism works.
Narcissism, Indicator #2
With Narcissism a Narcissist Has Little To No Empathy
Empathy is a necessary trait one needs to interact with others., especially if it is more than one person. Not everyone thinks alike and that is a perfectly normal thing. The world would be a very boring place if we were all the same. Empathy is trying to or actually understanding how another person feels. They are able to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and understand them or partially get an idea of how the other person may be feeling.
The narcissist, unfortunately, does not have the capability of knowing how to empathize. Remember, it is all about them. They don’t care how people feel and they certainly do not care about what you think. They will chastise the other person and shot down their feelings. The other person leaves the situation, feeling bad or like they were misunderstood. You feel like the narcissists just do not get what you are trying to say or how you are feeling. Gusee what? It’s not that they do not understand, With narcissism, they just do not care.
Narcissism, Indicator #3
The Narcissist Has The Belief Of Entitlement
Well, if a narcissist has no empathy and they always have to be in control, why not have an attitude of entitlement? Right? They want special treatment, no matter the circumstances. Their favorite phrase is “I deserve……” And they actually believe it too. They are above everyone else and there are no boundaries with the narcissist. Anything goes. This is narcissism, know the indicators!
Narcissism, Indicator #4
Narcissists Are Very Manipulative and Exploit Others
They will go to great lengths for you to understand what they feel about themselves. They will force themselves on you and if you still do not do what they want, they will make your life a living hell. Their ultimate goal is to win. Everything is a competition. They will punish you if you do not comply with them and they will wear you down until you do. You get to the point where you are manipulated so much, you just give up. There is no way around it. That is a true part of narcissism.
Narcissism, Indicator #5
With Narcissism A Narcissist Can Not Receive Input
In a normal relationship, a person cal talk to another and listen to each other’s ideas, even if they may not agree with each other. They will hear each other out and may even change their perspective after hearing another. A secure person will listen with an open mind.
The narcissist may listen, but while they are listening to you, they are thinking you are stupid and don’t know anything. They may even be upset they are listening to you if they even give you the chance. They will turn the conversation around and tell you why you are wrong. Then they will follow up and tell you how you have to do it, their way! They do no listen. Again, narcissism, know the indicators!
Narcissism, Indicator #6
The Narcissist Always Has The Need To Be High-Caliber
When talking with a normal person, you feel a sense of equality. You are both on the same level.
If you feel inferior when talking with a narcissist, that is what they want. They think you are inferior to them. The narcissist always needs to feel superior to any person and any situation. They will say things to you that are very demeaning. That is their intent. Do not mistake this as a bad day for them. Every day is a bad day for them.
They see the normal person as their servant. The normal person is below them and we owe them everything!
They will belittle you and make you feel small.
Narcissism, Indicator #7
They Have A Not So Normal View Of Reality
Have you ever had a conversation with a narcissist about something and when you talk about it again, they say that did not happen. OMG, this happened to me so many times. the Roommate always tried to make me look crazy and like I was a liar. We would discuss something with a group of people and later he would say that was not said or I did not do that. I stopped taking in large groups with him and stayed very aware as to not be set up. He always stated he was “misunderstood.”
It does not matter if you have facts to back things up or if someone else witnessed the same thing as you. If it does not fit the narcissist agenda, they will tell you that you are wrong. They are always making things up. Even when you have facts and figures to back it up, they think you are wrong. It’s a constant state of confusion because of the consistent lies. As noted, previously, and yes, you are correct….narcissism, know the indicators!
Narcissism, Indicator #8
Narcissists Have The Ability Make Positive Impressions…….Temporarily
This will have to most important Indicator I missed!!! Narcissists are volunteers, they go to church, they are charming, nice, good to people. And if you serve a purpose to the narcissist, your life will be miserable. Yet, no one but you and those who see it themselves will know it.
The Roommate had certain circles of friends that never crossed over to each other and he would only have these groups during certain parts of the year. For a part of the year, he would hang out with hockey families. During the summer he would hang out with baseball parents. He does not have any TRUE friends. But he does have a lot of followers. Until he crosses you, you will never know unless you see it for yourself.
The longer the narcissist is with someone, if that person has any clue, they will pick up on the indicators.
Trust me. Now that I know what a narcissist is, I can pick up on them pretty quickly!
I know these things sound cold and totally off the wall, but after having lived with a hard-core narcissist, these things really happen. The normal person does not think like a narcissist, so it is pretty tough to comprehend, But it’s real. It’s very real! And to try and talk to others about is difficult because not that many would understand.
I wish I would have known more about narcissism and the indicators before I met the Roommate. This would have saved me a lot of tears, heartache, and money. But it did not only affect me. It hurt my kids and family too. I hope you find these tips very helpful so that you do not make the same mistakes I did. Keep learning about narcissism and know the indicators, it will save your life.
Take care of yourself and remember to Think Me First!
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